I'm Here
by classof7teen
Summary: "Deeks, not a day goes by when I am not thinking about you. Not a day goes by when all I want to do is come and see you. Not a day goes by when all I want to do is come and help you. Just help you with whatever you need." A tear rolled down her cheek and she brought her hand up to her face immediately and wiped it away.


**A/N: Takes places three and a half month after Ascension**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the show. If I did I wouldn't be writing fics.**

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_I just want you to know that the place I went to in my head to stop the pain was you. I just kept thinking about your smile and your laugh… everything. It's the only thing that got me through for whatever it's worth._

Another week had passed. It was Friday night and she was on her couch accompanied with a pint of ice cream and crappy reality TV. The TV was the last thing her mind was focused on though. She was replaying in her head what he said to her that night. Replaying everything from the kiss, to rescuing him, to when the both of them were alone in the bullpen. She had been replaying what he said to her that night every day for the past three and a half months. The past three and a half months she has been without her partner. The past three and a half months she has been working alone in the field or with Callen and Sam. She misses her partner. She misses everything about him. She misses her goofy, annoying, shaggy haired, surf loving partner.

The day she found him in that abandoned auto body shop tied down to a chair covered in his blood she knew what he went through was beyond traumatic. His face was covered in fear. He didn't even look her in the eyes. She knew his experience would have lasting effects on everything. Things from that point on were not going to be the same. He wasn't going to be himself for a long while and she was scared. She was scared for him.

That night when he told her he just needed to get away from everything and everyone was an indescribable feeling she felt. It broke her so much to see him in the state he was in. His face spoke volumes. He was scared. He didn't know what to do or where to go next. When he told her he needed to get away from everyone she just nodded her head and started walking away. It was the last thing she wanted to do though, was to walk away and leave him.

Then he did what she had wanted for so long. He said what was on his mind. There were no hidden messages or meanings behind his words. It was her. It was her that got him through. It was her smile, laugh… everything. She wanted to say something back. She was going to say something back. She knew what she was going to say back but they were interrupted and that night what she wanted to say was never spoken. They spent the rest of that night out for drinks with Callen and Sam. They talked, laughed but for Deeks it was all forced. He was the first to leave the bar that night and that was the last time she saw him.

She has not talked to him since and she won't stop beating herself up about it. She wants to go and talk to him but she is scared. He said he needed to be alone and she respected that but Kensi has had it though. She needs to talk to him. She needs to see him. She just needs to be there. She feels so helpless. Without thinking twice about it she got up off the couch, ditched the ice cream back in the freezer, slipped on her shoes, grabbed her keys, and was out the door off to his apartment.

Fifteen minutes later she was in front of his apartment. She turned off the car and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. She sat there in her car way longer than intended just thinking, about everything. Thinking about what she is going to say and how she is going to say it. She is scared also. This night could turn out how she want it or it could turn out to be one big mistake. She finally got herself to get out of the car and walk up to his front door.

She knocked a few times and there was no answer. She was going to talk to him tonight. She was going to see him tonight. She wasn't giving up. She heard Monty whining on the other side of the door and movement from inside. That gave her hope. A few knocks later the door opened and there he was standing there. He was skinnier, paler, and had bags under his eyes. It looked like the life had been sucked out of him. The Deeks that was standing in front of her was hurting and falling apart.

"Kensi, what are you doing here?" He asked. Exhaustion filled his voice.

"I wanted to see how you were doing and I wanted to talk." She said not knowing what he was going to do or say back.

He just stood there for a while but he surprised her. He opened the door wider gestured her to come in. She observed her surroundings while petting Monty. His house was a mess, it was never a mess. There were clothes and blankets scattered everywhere, surf magazines all over the coffee table with an empty bottle that looked like some sort of alcohol was in it before.

They both stood there in silence for a while but he spoke first, "It has been three and half months Kens." He said quietly. That right there meant so much more. It meant three and a half months since his torture. Three and a half months since he last saw her. Most of all it has been three and a half months and still isn't doing well. Just from taking one look at him she knows he is worse.

Right now she was using all the strength she has to not break down and cry in front of him. She can't do that, especially right now. The last thing she wants is for him to feel bad for her and comfort her. It should be the opposite. He should be the one breaking down. She should be the one comforting him. She took a little step towards him, "I know Deeks and I'm sorry, I should have come sooner."

He dropped his head, "Please don't say you're sorry Kens. It isn't your fault. I told you I needed space and I thank you for respecting that."

Then why did she feel so guilty? She feels guilty for not coming even if he told her he just needed to get away. This is her partner, her best friend, her everything and she should have been here. He has been there countless times for her even when she said she didn't need him and the one time he needs her most of all she wasn't there. She knows how good it feels to have somebody there with you. He is that somebody for her. He is always there. Even when she insists she is fine he is always there. Now it is time for the roles to be reversed.

"Deeks, not a day goes by when I am not thinking about you. Not a day goes by when all I want to do is come and see you. Not a day goes by when all I want to do is come and help you. Just help you with whatever you need." A tear rolled down her cheek and she brought her hand up to her face immediately and wiped it away.

He took a few steps forward to where there was only about a foot of space between them. That foot of space though felt like miles. "Kensi, I don't want to be a burden to you. That's why I haven't called."

"Deeks" her voice cracked a little "You would never be a burden to me."

"I am not the same person I used to be. I don't even know what to do for myself and I don't want you to have to carry that around on your shoulders. I don't want you to think you have to help me."

"Deeks look at me", she said in a somewhat demanding tone but he did. He looked her in the eyes.

"Listen to me. You would never be burden to me. Do you understand? You are… you are my everything Deeks. You are the person that is always there for me. You know everything about me. There are times when I feel like I don't deserve you. Deeks, please, I want to help you."

His next moved surprised her. The gap between them that felt like miles was closed. He pulled her into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her slender waist. She tensed up a bit but soon relaxed and responded by wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head over his beating chest.

He whispered in her ear, "I don't know what to do. I need help."

It broke Kensi's heart to hear those words come from him. This is Deeks we are talking about. This is Marty Deeks, the cop. This is Marty Deeks, her partner, best friend, and just maybe something more. This is Marty Deeks, the person who has a smile that lights up the whole room. Right now this isn't Marty Deeks. This Marty Deeks doesn't know what to do and is lost. She is going to everything in her power to help him.

"I know and I am here to for you. I promise you I always will be and I won't leave your side."

They stood there for what felt like forever enjoying each other's embrace but Kensi pulled back to where she could wrap her arms around his neck and looked him in the eyes. His hands were now placed on both sides of her waist. They just stood there looking at each other.

She tilted her head a bit. "I'm glad I could help… help with the pain and everything." The slightest smile tugged at her lips. "It's the least I could do in that moment."

"I don't think I could have made it out if it wasn't for you. You were all I thought about."

Another tear escaped her eye and he removed one of his hands from her waist and brought it up to her cheek to wipe it away. He also tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and rested his forehead on hers.

Then he placed a kiss on her forehead, just holding it there. "I don't know what I would do without you." He said once he removed his lips.

"And I hope you never have to know."


End file.
